


Picnics and Pictures(Of All Our Adventures)

by ExistencialCrisis15



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Cancer, Death, Emotional Hurt, Everyone Loves Hinata Shouyou, Grief/Mourning, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, Hospitalization, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Made Myself Cry, I'm never writing major character death again, Internal Conflict, M/M, Minor Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Minor Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Minor Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Minor Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, No Smut, Picnics, Sad, Same-Sex Marriage, Teacher Hinata Shouyou, Terminal Illnesses, Tobio loves Shoyo, Tobio loves milk, assassination classroom characters as extras, i can't come up with names, semi canon compliant, they deserve to be happy, this was the first and last time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:15:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27865965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExistencialCrisis15/pseuds/ExistencialCrisis15
Summary: Shoyo Hinata is studying to become a teacher when he gets diagnosed. Stage 1 cancer isn't necessarily a death sentence but for Shoyo it is like his worst nightmare come to life. Still, with his boyfriend by his side he will chase his dreams and make the most of life. You never really know how much time you have left.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou & Kozume Kenma, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Tobio & Kozume Kenma
Comments: 12
Kudos: 43





	1. By Your Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did do some research for this but there will still surely be some medical inaccuracies and such. At the end note I will explain one of the things that I had researched.

They were in their second year of college. Tobio and Shoyo had been dating for 3 years now, they started dating towards the beginning of their last year of high school. Now after a gap year of figuring out their shit both boys had gotten into the same university on sports scholarships. 

They had an apartment near the school because they wanted more privacy than dorms could provide and both were working part time as well. 

Tobio was still undeclared for his major, still not sure what he should study. Shoyo however was double majoring in English and sports science planning to become a middle school teacher and coach. 

Shoyo almost never called Tobio when he was in class. They knew each other's schedules and knew when they could get a hold of each other. It was unusual to say the least when Tobio saw the name pop up on his screen. He let it go to voicemail figuring Shoyo would realize and call back later. A few moments later though it popped up again. Not even a text, two calls in a row.

He didn’t want to think something was wrong but a small pang of worry shot through Tobio’s stomach and he got up to go into the hallway.

“Hey” Tobio says as he answers the phone.

“I’m sorry- I’m sorry I know you’re in class but I panicked” Shoyo sounds like he’s holding back tears and Tobio is really worried now.

“What happened, are you okay?” Tobio asks quickly, wishing the ginger wouldn’t always be so long winded.

“I had a doctors appointment today, I had this bump on my knee and I didn’t say anything but the doctor saw and asked about it and then he sent me to a dermatologist and this guy was throwing around words like cancer and they are going to like cut it off and test it but I panicked and I wanted someone to come here and could you please” Shoyo finally stops rambling.

Tobio is kind of standing in shock. Shoyo doesn’t have cancer, well he might but surely not. He’s just panicking because they are testing for it, that doesn’t mean anything. “Sure, send me the address” Tobio answers finally.

It only takes about 15 minutes for Tobio to get there once he gets to his car. Shoyo comes out to get him at his car and he looks like he has been crying.

“I’m so sorry for making you come here I just- I’m kinda scared right now, I know it’s probably fine, I just feel really scared” Shoyo admits as Tobio is just climbing out of his car.

“It’s okay, I would be scared too, don’t worry, I don’t mind missing class for one day” Tobio assures putting his arm around his boyfriend. After a few minutes inside Tobio starts to remember hearing about Shoyo’s mom having cancer, they had caught it early on and she was fine now but Tobio knew that made the chances of Shoyo having it higher and was likely why the boy was so scared now.

The doctor explains what they are going to do and Shoyo only seems a little bit scared by it. Tobio understands he’s probably just a lot more scared of the prospect of having cancer. Still he holds his boyfriend's hand when they numb the spot and talks to him to distract him. They end up sending him over to the hospital and do some other tests as well because of his family history of cancer. They end up spending most of the day at the hospital.

Since Shoyo had taken the bus there Tobio drives both of them back to their apartment.

“I still have my night class today” Tobio informs, “are you going to be okay or do you want me to stay?”

“You can go, I’ll be fine, just- your phone is charged right- in case-”

“They said you probably won’t hear of the results until tomorrow” Tobio reminds him, “plus, your mom is okay right, even if it is cancer that doesn’t mean you’re going to die, I’m sure it’ll be fine.” It’s stupid to make light of the situation but Tobio himself doesn’t want to think that this could be bad, they are 20, they can’t even drink yet. He doesn’t want to think of himself 5 years in the future without Shoyo by his side.

“That doesn’t make it any less scary, it’s cancer Tobio I- sorry, I just- I’m remembering when my mom got diagnosed” Shoyo admits.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Tobio asks, seeing how bad this is affecting his boyfriend.

“You have class.”

“We can talk when I get back then?” Tobio raises his eyebrows, not wanting to leave without knowing that Shoyo will be okay for now.

“Okay, I’ll be fine” Shoyo insists knowing that he’s already made his boyfriend worried about him.

“Okay, text me if you need anything alright, my class is over at 11” of course Shoyo knows that but it doesn’t hurt to remind him in case he’s forgotten in his panic.

Tobio isn’t surprised by all the texts he gets. About 20 pictures of puppies from the time he steps out the door and as 11 rolls around a dinner order. Shoyo wants 20 mcnuggets and an oreo mcflurry. Of course after how the day had gone Tobio can’t help caving quickly and shows up with the requested food. 

They don’t eat a lot of junk food, both eating pretty healthy since volleyball is basically their life but of course they can have some every once in a while. Using the excuse that he’s tired, Shoyo gets out of talking after they eat though and they both go to sleep.

The next day when Shoyo gets the call both of them are just sitting around in the apartment. Shoyo was nervous and so Tobio couldn’t focus on doing homework. As a result they had just been watching tv when the phone rang. 

“Come in to talk, that doesn’t sound good- I don’t think that’s good” Shoyo is on the verge of panicking and Tobio pulls him into his chest.

“We don’t know what they have to say until they say it okay, let's try to stay positive, yeah?” Tobio tries but he agrees, if it was nothing they probably would have just told him over the phone and called it a day.

“They said I could come in now, will you-”

“Of course I’ll come with you stupid” Tobio says shaking his head in exasperation, “I’ll drive okay.”

Tobio makes sure Shoyo has his phone and such because the boy is so panicking already. They talk for the short drive and Tobio holds his hand as they walk in. 

They have to wait a little while before the doctor leads them into his office room and has them sit. 

Shoyo goes still at the word cancer, his entire world narrows down and he doesn’t even know where he is anymore. He could die, it could kill him, obvious statements run through his head, he can’t break away from the thought though.

“Shoyo, Shoyo, hey, look at me, it’s okay,” Tobio says, getting his attention, “breathe, let’s listen to what the doctor has to say okay, do you want to call your mom?”

Shoyo just nods trying to breathe in time with his boyfriend. He knows he’s overreacting but how is he supposed to react to this. 

“Tobio dear, how are you?” Shoyo’s mom answers her phone fairly quickly.

“Um- hello” Tobio says unsure what he’s even supposed to say.

“I’m sorry mom I should have called you yesterday, I didn’t want to talk about it though but now-” Shoyo cuts himself off abruptly not sure how to continue.

“What is it dear?” Mrs. Hinata sounds worried now unsure what he is talking about.

“I can explain if you like?” the doctor offers seeing the kids struggling.

Shoyo’s mom seems fairly calm once the doctor explains the situation to her and she just starts asking questions. Shoyo can’t articulate to ask anything himself but is just holding onto his boyfriends hand for dear life and listening as the others talk.

Tobio is trying to remain calm himself seeing how bad of shape Shoyo is in. He’s nearly in shock.

Seeing how badly Shoyo is reacting, the doctor also recommends he see a therapist. Before Shoyo can even begin to process everything, they are on their way back to the apartment.

The situation itself doesn’t seem to warrant the reaction it’s getting from Shoyo. He’s acting more like he got a death sentence then told that he had one of the least deadly cancers he could possibly have. Sure, it’s cancer but his odds are good, he knows that but can’t help the cold panic that has taken hold in his chest.

“Do you want to talk about it now?” Tobio asks once they are back in their apartment. He pulls Shoyo to their bedroom and wraps him up in some blankets holding him close, “you’re going to be okay alright, talk to me.”

“I know I’m overreacting okay” Shoyo says quietly trying to just relax and lay but he’s so tense.

“You’re not overreacting, it’s perfectly fair that you are scared” Tobio says, he might be overreacting a bit but that’s not important, “I think you’ll feel better if you talk about what’s bothering you.”

“I know, it’s just hard to talk about,” Shoyo says quietly, after a bit of sitting in silence he speaks up again. “My grandpa died from stage 4 Melanoma” he finally admits, “I was really little but I still remember, then when my mom got diagnosed I thought she was going to die too, I was so scared and this is just all those feelings coming back, I know reasonably that I’m probably going to be okay but I can’t help that part of me that knows that this kills people.”

Tobio isn’t completely sure how to respond to that, he knew about Shoyo’s mom but he didn’t know about his grandpa. That does make sense then, that this would still be so terrifying to him. “It’s okay, I’m going to be there for you, you’re parents are going to be here for you, the doctor said that you will be okay as long as we stay on top of it, I know it’s scary, I’m not completely sure what I can do to help but right now at least everything is okay.”

Tobio can’t cook, well, neither of them really can but Tobio is usually the least trusted in the kitchen. That night though he makes some canned soup for them and brings it to Shoyo who is now curled up on the couch with their comforter from the bed. They have something random playing on the tv quietly but neither is really paying attention to it. 

Shoyo’s mind is lost in space and Tobio is focused on Shoyo. He knows his boyfriend isn’t going to die from this but how scared Shoyo is has him questioning that certainty. Everything has to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope that you liked this chapter and have a good day :)
> 
> Note about what is happening medically:  
> Shoyo has skin cancer and from my understanding usually stage one skin cancer can be removed with surgery. I don't explain it in story but Shoyo can't have surgery so he has to have external treatment to get rid of the cancer. I was coming up with the story in my head as I was researching but then I never actually came around to explaining this when I was writing it, so here's the medical explanation if anyone cares.


	2. The First Picnic

At first it seemed like Shoyo was going to fall into a horribly depressed state and that scared Tobio. Shoyo has always been like a ray of sunshine in his life and how down he gets is testament to how much this is affecting him... until it isn’t.

It all starts with a picnic.

“What are you doing Shoyo?” Tobio asks as the boy is suddenly bouncing around their apartment for the first time in weeks.

He has his backpack on and he just ran through the main room with a quilt; now he’s raiding their fridge. They don’t have any classes today so Tobio has no idea why he’s carrying around all of his books.

“Just get your laptop and backpack,” Shoyo says from in the fridge. When he turns around his arms are full of sandwich ingredients and milk boxes.

Shoyo quickly gets to work and has a bunch of sandwiches packed by the time Tobio gets back from their room.

“Okay I- Sho?”

“Put your shoes on!” Shoyo is shoving the sandwiches and milk into a bag and looks so excited. Tobio couldn’t think of fighting him.

When they get to the park Shoyo finally calms down. He looks peaceful sitting on the quilt in the shade of a tree. As far as picnics go, it’s pretty thrown together but they are also both in the middle of big projects. Tobio has been working on a paper all day and Shoyo has a speech to write.

“I just thought we could get some fresh air, and study together,” Shoyo says kind of absently. He already has notebooks sprawled out in front of him and is eating a random sandwich. It seems he made every kind they had ingredients for.

“This is really nice,” Tobio says. He is glad to be spending some time with his boyfriend. At this point Shoyo is doing pretty good and it looks like he’s going to make a full recovery but the whole thing really made them start to think. About what really matters to them and what is important.

The picnics become a weekly thing for them. Especially once the treatment really starts taking effect and wearing Shoyo out, he likes to just get to sit outside 2 days after. He doesn’t stop playing volleyball but has to take it more easy when he plays and mostly just goes to practices to watch for a while.

Both of their lives have revolved around volleyball for so long, it makes Shoyo a lot more appreciative when he does get to play every once in a while. Even after years of longing to play he had still come to take it for granted but that longing is renewed when he’s only able to practice 2 days a week. The extra time he spends at home gives Shoyo some time to pick up some new hobbies as well. He starts learning to cook with online classes and makes sure to make something every time his parents come by which is quite often.

During the summer quarter Shoyo decides to take one class so that he doesn’t get out of the habit of studying. It’s an online class though so it doesn’t stop him from dragging his boyfriend around almost everyday.

From hospital visits, to the zoo later that day. Long drives to the beach for the day. Museums and art galleries and movies. Shoyo keeps them both busy for sure. Even on their days at home he has plenty of ideas on how they can spend time together. It’s unsettling when he gets depressed. A few times Tobio has to call Shoyo’s therapist himself and make an emergency appointment but most of the time the boy seems completely like his normal self.

Tobio isn’t at the hospital with him when he gets the news. He’s in class and he gets a call from Shoyo that he can’t help but answer.

“Oh my god, oh my GOD!” Shoyo is yelling in his ear. He doesn’t sound upset. He sounds incredibly happy and Tobio knows now why he’s calling.

“Just spit it out” he encourages wanting to hear it.

“It’s gone!” Shoyo screeches.

Tobio realizes that he’s crying. He’s so relieved. The past year has been hell and they just started up their third year of college. Finally things can start going back to normal... 

Except things don’t exactly go back to normal. Tobio really starts to realize everything that changed in the past year, first in the form of Shoyo slathering on sunscreen every single morning before leaving the apartment. Of course he’s not going to stop doing that. Shoyo comes back to volleyball of course but when they have outdoor practices he also forces Tobio to wear sunscreen, no matter what.

The sunscreen is fine though. Most of the changes are good in fact. Shoyo cooks them dinner quite often. Their weekly picnics continue, as well as just them studying together most of the time instead of their previous arrangement of holing up in separate rooms for days at a time to finish projects. 

The changes Tobio could do without though are the depressed episodes. They don’t stop if anything, they get worse. Instead of having an episode every other week if not maybe once a month they start happening every week, sometimes they last more than one day even and Tobio has no idea what to do.

When Shoyo misses a practice though he finally knows he needs to do something.

“So... where were you during practice?” Tobio asks when he gets home to find Shoyo sitting on the couch with a notebook. 

The ginger promptly closes the notebook looking startled. “Here” he answers quietly.

Tobio raises an eyebrow. “So what’s going on?” he asks sitting down beside his boyfriend.

Shoyo looks conflicted. He looks away holding the random notebook to his chest. “It’s nothing okay.”

“It’s clearly not, if you don’t want to talk to me about it that’s okay, just tell me, are you talking to your counselor about it?” Tobio asks. He feels weird, he’s gotten so used to talking to Shoyo like this at this point. He was seeing a counselor himself for a little while but he’s been doing fine. This being normal though is kind of surreal.

Shoyo shakes his head. “I’m not ready” he mumbles, “I’m writing about it though.”

“In that notebook?” Tobio asks dumbly. 

Shoyo just nods.

“Okay, well, whenever you’re ready to talk about it you can talk to me as well, I’m always here to listen okay” Tobio says, “how about we order something tonight?”

“No, I wanna cook,” Shoyo says.

“Sure, I can help if you want” Tobio offers. 

His help wasn’t really needed. Just like in everything else he does Shoyo is an absolute tornado. In the kitchen, he makes a mess while cooking but cleans it all up just as quickly. They have sweet and sour chicken for dinner and Shoyo helps Tobio with a paper before they go to sleep. 

Finally one day Shoyo pulls Tobio to their couch and sits him down. He sits down next to him not looking at him but starts talking.

“I’m just scared okay” Shoyo admits, “everyone acts like everything is just fine now but it’s not, the cancer might be gone but it could come back.”

Of course Tobio knows that, the doctor told them all that, probably sometime during the beginning of the treatment. One of the early doctors visits though he’s sure Shoyo also heard all about it at the last one two. He has another appointment as well, for in a few months already made. They have to keep checking on him for a while. After some time the checks will be made farther apart but for now they are doing the checks every 6 months.

“I’m sorry, I just don’t know how to deal with this,” Shoyo says leaning forward into his hands.

Tobio puts a hand over his back and pulls him into his side, “that’s okay, we’ll figure it out.”

Neither really knows what to do but Tobio is doing his best to be reassuring. He understands why this is bothering the boy so much but he still hates it. Why can’t they just have some peace, he hates seeing Shoyo like this. He wishes he could fix it somehow.

The next time Shoyo gets depressed Tobio grabs their picnic blanket, shoves some heated up leftovers in a bag and drags the boy out the door.

“What are you doing?” Shoyo is flustered and confused as Tobio had put his freaking shoes on him while he was moping on the couch.

“We’re going on a picnic,” Tobio informs him.

“But it’s 10 o’clock, it’s dark out” Shoyo complains, he just wants to go lay back down on the couch.

“I know, it’s perfect, the sun is down, the stars are out, and we’ve never had our weekly picnic under the stars,” Tobio says. He’s not as enthusiastic about things as his boyfriend can get but he’s kinda excited just because he came up with an idea.

Once they are sitting down Shoyo looks up. “Wow” he muses quietly. In all their summer adventures they hadn’t once stayed out all night. Shoyo just loved running around during the day, but this, this was something else. “If I’m the sun, you’re the stars” Shoyo mumbles, laying back to just stare up. 

Tobio can’t help the blush that takes over his face at that. He almost didn’t hear it but he did and he’s not sure what to do. He just starts shoving old rice into his mouth. 

They are in the city, so the stars aren’t as visible as they wish but you can still see them; the endless bounds of space like a comforting blanket over Shoyo’s unclear mind. Shoyo doesn’t have his usual energy back but he doesn’t look as miserable. There is a little bit of contentment in his eyes, he seems almost relaxed. He doesn’t think he’s going to forget this night for a long time. 

Shoyo doesn’t blame Tobio for not doing so much in regards to grand gestures. He keeps them so busy himself and doesn’t really give the boy many opportunities but man did Tobio pull through for him here. 

You can’t fix everything with one night of stargazing but it defused some of the tension that had been building. It gave Tobio some more room to figure out how to work with Shoyo through everything. In the end, it comes down to a talk on the phone with Shoyo’s parents.

“That fear fades but it doesn’t really fully go away” it’s his dad that says it.

“You’re never going to be sure that it’s gone for good but you still have to live your life dear” Shoyo’s mom puts in.

After a long talk and a promise to make more counseling appointments Shoyo gets off the phone feeling a little better. Tobio can see that he feels better too. Shoyo hadn’t talked to his parents much about his fears but they would be the ones with the most insight considering they’ve been through what the boys are going through, as well as knowing what Shoyo already went through as a child. They felt bad for not talking to the boys sooner about it.

Somehow after that things just get better. Their new normal is pretty good actually and they both successfully finish their third year of college. They go on the best summer vacation they can afford which is a 3 day trip to Universal Studios Japan(with some extra help with money from Tobio’s parents) and spend all the rest of their summer having fun as well before starting their fourth year.

By a miracle Shoyo is on track to graduate and Tobio is as well having decided to major in liberal arts. Their fourth year seems to fly by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey thanks for reading! I hope you are having a lovely day. Feel free to leave a comment if you like this story so far, I'd love to hear from people to know what you think!  
> <3 :)


	3. Downhill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've completely finished writing this... All I have to do is edit one chapter a week... You'd think that wouldn't be so much trouble... I mean my sister is helping too. I'm just not happy with this chapter. Here it is anyway.

Balancing volleyball practices with extra classes and assistant teaching is not for everyone. Shoyo however loves it. He’s busy every day but he is having the time of his life.

Seeing as Tobio almost never sees him at the apartment he’s surprised that he’s still able to make time for their picnics and to drag Tobio to places when they both have a moment of peace. Of course, they also get to see each other during practice which has always been Tobio’s favorite part of the day, but now even more so. 

Shoyo is up for practicing blocks but has been running around a lot for the whole practice. Tobio sets, the spiker hits, Shoyo gets a one touch and lands back down leaning over.

“I- need to sit,” Shoyo says out of breath. He just goes over to the bench and Tobio is keeping an eye on him. 

Finally he can’t just watch anymore and Tobio goes over to check on his boyfriend. “How are you doing, you don’t look so good” Tobio isn’t sure what could be wrong. Maybe he’s coming down with something? Tobio is just hoping that if he is sick that being stuck in the apartment won’t trigger a depressive episode, they have been doing so good lately.

Shoyo takes a shaky breath, it doesn’t sound good, he tries to speak but it comes out quiet, “-t’s hard to- breathe.”

Tobio is suddenly much more worried, “and you’ve just been sitting here, holy shit, I’m taking you to the hospital.” 

At the car Shoyo refuses to get in, “no” he says weakly. He’s clutching the car door staring down at the ground panicked.

“Sho” Tobio is confused, but he sees the fear in his boyfriends eyes and he goes back around the car. He pulls him into a hug brushing his fingers through the gingers hair. 

Shoyo lets go of the door, leaning into his boyfriend but doesn’t relax much.

“It’s okay, alright, I’ll call your mom when we get to the hospital but it’s going to be okay.” It has to be, he knows what Shoyo is thinking now but surely it’s not that. Everything has to be okay.

“No no no, I know it won’t be” Shoyo gasps and he’s just making it worse.

“We’ll call your mom right now okay, I know you're scared but we have to go to the hospital, whether we go or not won’t change whether you’re right or not, we have to go.”

Shoyo finally relents and gets in the car, silent tears streaming down his face. Tobio holds his hand the whole way and they get Shoyo’s parents on the phone telling them what’s happening. Tobio finds out that he was a little out of the loop. He can’t exactly be mad when Shoyo is crying and terrified beside him though. 

Shoyo has been getting out of breath really quickly lately and so he had already made an appointment for in 2 days. He hadn’t told Tobio because they had been so busy and he didn’t want to worry him but now, now they are both very worried.

The nurse that they have known by name for years now is there when they arrive and Tobio sees a flicker of worry over her face when she sees them. “You’re here pretty early Shoyo” she can see but is also told immediately that he is having trouble breathing and gets them back to a room.

Shoyo is trying to stay calm but at this point he knows what to expect and doesn’t know how to handle hearing it.

After an exhausting amount of tests and hours sitting in the hospital bed trying to catch his breath the doctor finally comes in. Shoyo’s parents aren’t there yet, Shoyo is writing his resignation letter for his job in his head as the doctor pulls Tobio out into the hallway. He just didn’t want to hear it, not now, he can’t.

Tobio is in shock as the doctor explains to him, how rare this is and how quickly it has gotten so bad. He wants to wake up and this just be a dream.

20 percent, a 20 percent chance that Shoyo will live to 28 years old… if even that. 

Tobio has to hold it together, he can’t break down, he needs to stay positive. When Shoyo’s parents arrive and the doctor finally talks to Shoyo the boy takes it surprisingly well. Tobio realizes that he’s just been expecting this for so long. With his parents both sitting there and boyfriend by his side Shoyo hardly even responds. He just asks for the survival rate.

“22 percent, that’s not bad, it’s almost a quarter” he’s breathing a little better now but Tobio is wondering if he’s getting enough oxygen to his brain responding like that.

Mrs. Hinata is crying holding her son's hand. They all know, Shoyo knows as well even if he’s in denial. This coming back wasn’t a good sign in the first place but it’s in stage 4. That means it has spread to other parts of his body and it did it so fast. Seeing how calm Shoyo is Tobio almost feels like vomiting. He’s been so scared, he was crying a few hours ago and now he’s just like this. Something has broken in him and Tobio knows that he’s never going to get that part of Shoyo back.

The doctor was calm but when the nurse Lila comes in she is almost as devastated as they are. They had all gotten to know her very well during Shoyo’s other treatment and she had even come to his graduation last year. 

A few days in the hospital quickly turns into weeks. Shoyo continues taking his classes but does quit his job and obviously postpones his assistant teaching for a while. Most of all though, he misses volleyball and Tobio misses him. 

Shoyo refuses clinical trials and so they start back with his original treatment. Which works well enough and he is able to go home. Tobio is beyond overjoyed to have Shoyo back at the apartment with him but things aren’t exactly how they used to be. Shoyo can’t come back to volleyball and continues just attending his classes virtually. He is determined though and eventually is able to start going to assistant teach but he uses all the energy he has on that, leaving him too exhausted to do anything else once he gets home. 

They missed 5 weeks of picnics while he was in the hospital and 3 more because Shoyo was just too tired. Shoyo seems mostly fine though, emotionally. Tobio is the one that is struggling. So he starts going to therapy again and ends up going more than Shoyo does. He tries to figure out where the ginger is getting all his positivity from but can’t imagine how he still seems so happy all the time. How he seems almost more happy than before this diagnosis.

“Shoyo!” Tobio shouts from the front door. He hopes the boy is still up but even at 8 he’s often already asleep before Tobio gets home.

“Yes” Shoyo comes out of their bedroom not being able to yell nor wanting to yell back. 

“You’re up, can we talk?” Tobio can’t stand the smile on Shoyo’s face as the boy nods and makes his way to sit at the counter patting one of the stools for Tobio to sit as well. It makes him so mad and just a few days ago he didn’t even know why. He shouldn’t be mad that Shoyo is happy, it shouldn’t make him angry that the boy is handling this okay but it does—because he’s not handling it okay. 

“What is it?” Shoyo takes Tobio’s hands once he sits and waits patiently for the answer.

Tobio feels so horrible for this now. He doesn’t want to ruin whatever Shoyo has going for him right now. He’s happy and doing okay and Tobio has no right to insert his own feelings into that but now he’s been silent for too long and Shoyo is squeezing his hands to get his attention. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t-”

“No, hey, talk to me, it’s clearly important” Tobio doesn’t think he’s ever heard Shoyo speak so calmly.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know how, I don’t even know where to start” there are tears falling before he can even try to stop them and he’s completely breaking down. 

Shoyo’s eyes went wide, he wasn’t sure what he was expecting but not this. He doesn’t think he’s seen Tobio cry since high school. Of course that would have been over something volleyball related. 

“Just start with the first thing that comes to mind” Shoyo encourages really wanting something to work with here.

“I’m just so scared of losing you” Tobio admits but he regrets saying it now. He doesn’t deserve to be so upset over this and to then put that on Shoyo, he’s being horrible.

Shoyo isn’t really sure how to respond. Of course that is the expected outcome of the situation. He knows that he’s going to be leaving a lot of people behind, mostly he’s trying not to think about it.

“Hey, I’m still here right now, okay” Shoyo tries pathetically. It’s not like he can say he’s going to be okay, even with the treatment, even if he’s doing okay right now his days are numbered.

“I know, I don’t know what I’m doing,” Tobio says, still trying to stop crying.

“Well, just tell me everything, keeping it all bottled up won’t help anything.”

“But you don’t need this, you have so much to deal with already, I don’t deserve to put all of this on you.”

“Love” Shoyo pulls Tobio’s hand up to his face and holds it against his cheek finally getting some eye contact because of the shock, “you don’t deserve to struggle on your own, I’m okay right, so talk to me, I’m assuming your counselor told you too?”

Tobio nods, she did tell him he needed to talk to Shoyo, had told him the same thing, that he didn’t deserve to struggle on his own and that if Shoyo was willing to talk to him then he should. “How are you so okay?” Tobio asks quietly.

“Well, counseling has been helpful, I do miss playing volleyball but really I feel like a weight has been lifted, I spent so long being afraid that this would happen and here it is, it’s not that I’m not scared anymore but I just can’t be scared all the time, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life scared, I know what to expect now, I know what’s coming and I just want to live for as long as I have left” Shoyo admits calmly.

“I’m sorry this is all so stupid of me, I shouldn’t be the one freaking out like this” Tobio leans forward and Shoyo pulls him into his chest.

“It’s not stupid, it’s okay to be scared, it’s okay for you to talk about this with me, we’re in this together okay” Shoyo is only struggling a little bit to stay calm. Of course he’s had a lot of practice for the past few weeks.

“We never really see each other, I miss you so much at practice, I feel like I’m missing my last opportunities to see you, so I’m quitting volleyball, but that’s not even the important thing, I don’t like you doing this teaching thing, I feel like your running yourself into the ground faster than you need to” Tobio spills out finally catching his breath a bit.

“I’m not going to stop, I want to be a teacher, even if it’s only for a little while” Shoyo says, “I don’t think you should stop playing but if you really want to I won’t complain about having you around a little more.”

On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays Tobio drives Shoyo to and from the middle school. They get a little bit of time to talk in the car but also sit down to talk at least once a week per their counselors suggestion. There is a lot internally that both are dealing with on their own but at least keeping their communication open and frequent makes them feel better knowing how the other is doing. 

As draining and horrible as the treatment is, it’s working and that brings them both some semblance of comfort. They have time left and they spend it well. While they can’t go on the adventures Shoyo used to love they can spend their time together doing other things. Tobio sets up a picnic for them in the apartment and Shoyo is thrilled. 

They create their own new normal again because they have to. No more date nights, no more late nights, no more competitions or sports together, everything that they used to love so much about their relationship is basically gone but they still just love each other and they find new things to love together.

They watch volleyball matches on tv and cheer for their old friends. Shoyo’s 24th birthday goes by just a small celebration with his parents and Tobio as well as Kenma and Kuroo(who was drug along by Kenma, they are dating! Who woulda known?) Everything is just okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.   
> Hope everyone is having a better week than I have.  
> Anyone else feel like December came in like a final boss, hope I don't have to restart this level too many times...


	4. Ups and Downs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I hope this chapter is actually good. It starts off emotional but it ends happy here.   
> I didn't have high expectations for this week but it really blew me away with how bad it was. I only really had time to go through and accept my sisters suggests and re-read this chapter for any big errors. I think it's fine though.

They continue to stay busy and positive until the treatment stops working. It had been helping, but suddenly the cancer is getting worse instead of better. Not only attacking Shoyo’s lungs but his digestive system as well. He’s already ready to give up. Having trouble keeping food down, unable to do any of the things that make him happy and knowing that he’s making the others around him suffer as well, Shoyo wants to deny further treatment.

He’s in the hospital alone for 6 hours, he didn’t want them to call his parents or Tobio when he was admitted. He talked to Lila and she tried to convince him that it was too soon to give up. 

When Tobio got home to an empty apartment he got a horrible feeling and dialed Shoyo immediately. He thought it was strange he hadn’t gotten any texts from the boy and was actually surprised when he answered.

“Where are you?”

“Don’t freak out okay, I’m at the hospital” Shoyo tries to keep his voice calm. He knows this isn’t going to go down well.

“What! I’m on my way, why didn’t you call me before? Oh my god!” 

“I told you not to freak out,” Shoyo cringes holding the phone away from his ear.

“Well you sound okay, are you okay, what happened?” Tobio asks trying to figure out what his dumb-ass boyfriend was thinking. Why didn’t he text him? Call him? Something to tell him what was happening? When Shoyo starts calmly answering his question Tobio feels cold.

“You know how I’ve been feeling sick, well I’ve been vomiting a bunch, I guess I haven’t really been getting enough nutrients and I almost blacked out, they did some tests” he doesn’t even have to finish explaining because he knows that Tobio knows what it means.

“What does the doctor say they are going to do?” Tobio is pulling into the parking lot.

“Please don’t come inside,” Shoyo says hearing the car turn off.

“Why?” Tobio can’t breathe, what is happening.

“They said they could do a different treatment but I don’t want it, okay?” Shoyo just says outright.

“Shoyo no, what- what are you talking about?” he can hardly think straight. He stays sitting in the car, the silence dragging on through the line. “Why?” he asks, finally trying to stop the shaking in his voice.

“I-” Shoyo hesitates, his throat feels dry as the weight of the whole situation starts to dawn on him. “I know how much this has already- c-cost” he starts, “I know how much I’m hurting you, if- the faster I’m gone the faster you can get over me.”

Tobio can’t even speak, can’t tell Shoyo how wrong he is, how it doesn’t matter how much it costs or hurts or anything, none of them want him gone faster. Why is this the first thing that Shoyo thought of in this situation? Why is he so ready to say goodbye? It makes Tobio’s heart hurt so much yet he doesn’t want to tell him no. “Please, can we talk about this” he begs, “let me come inside, we can talk about it.”

Shoyo knows, he knows deep down that if he sees Tobio he won’t be able to stay resolute. 

“I’m not leaving, I’m going to be by your side no matter what, this morning was not the last time I will ever get to see you, please, I won’t tell you you have to get the treatment, I promise just let me come inside and see you, I won’t leave you alone.”

Shoyo is choking up “o-okay” he stutters into the phone. Breaking down in tears pulling the oxygen tubes off and leaning forward to pull his knees up to his chest. He hasn’t been this scared in so long and Tobio is coming back. He hadn’t realized how much he hated being alone here.

“Shoyo” the ginger's head shoots up to see his boyfriend in the doorway and the tears come faster.

“I’m sorry” Shoyo cries reaching for him. Gasping and struggling to breath through all the snot and tears.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay” Tobio rushes to his side and sits on the bed pulling him into his chest. It takes a little while but he gets Shoyo to calm down and lay back down and he lays down beside him. “Shoyo” Tobio says softly running his hands through ginger hair, “there is still so much time we can spend together, so many things we can do together, please don’t give up like this, please don’t leave me.” He squeezes his eyes shut unable to stop the tears.

“I don't want to,” Shoyo says, holding onto one of Tobio’s hands, “but I don’t want to- to just be a burden.”

“You’re not a burden, you’re not, I promise, there’s still treatment, there’s still a chance that you could live a long life” Tobio says.

“But at what cost?” Shoyo whines, “if I live a long time that’s still going to be a lot of money spent and if not- it’s all that money wasted and I’ll still be gone.”

“I don’t care!” Tobio cries, “your parents don’t either, they live here now to be near you, we want to spend every possible moment we can with you and it doesn’t matter how much it costs, I want to spend my whole life with you but even if I can’t I want to spend as long as I can, I know it’s scary, I know it’s hard but please, please don’t rush out of my life like this, please.”

“I-” Shoyo hardly has the energy to cry more and so he just sighs, “o-kay” he chokes out, “okay, I’ll t-try another treatment.”

Tobio still can’t stop crying, their world is so broken now. They sleep in the hospital 23 nights until the second treatment starts making some progress and Shoyo insists he needs to go home. 

Tobio is surprised to still have a job when he gets back to find a multitude of angry emails and then some less angry ones. Sho had called his work? When? How did he convince his boss from hell to not fire him? The guy, in the last email he sent was- apologizing.

Tobio can’t help but break down crying at his computer. Even after everything that had happened, everything that was happening. Starting new treatment and suffering the side effects Shoyo had contacted Tobio’s work for him. Shoyo’s parents had spent many days at the hospital with them but Tobio just couldn’t get himself to leave. He doesn’t even know how to go back to work now. He doesn’t want to leave Shoyo’s side.

After a week back at the apartment there is a knock on the door which is unusual because Shoyo’s parents have a key and they usually call before they come over anyway.

Shoyo doesn’t seem surprised though. He makes his way over to answer the door before Tobio can even get up off the couch. “Hey! You all made it!” Shoyo sounds excited and Tobio sees why. Their entire old team is there.

“Of course, how could we pass up an opportunity to see you two?” Noya says. He’s still not as tall as Shoyo but both have grown a bit since high school.

“So how are you doing, you said the new treatment was working?” Daichi asks.

“Yeah, though you guys probably won’t get to see my gorgeous floof ever again” he runs his hand back through sweeping out a significant chunk of loose hair, “not quite gonna shave it yet, Kags isn’t ready” he says with a laugh.

“I told you if it annoys you that much it can go,” Tobio says.

“What will annoy me more is your crying” Shoyo retorts gesturing for everyone to come in, “anyway, sit down, anyone want some water, ignore the giant baby in the living room, maybe someone can convince him to go back to work.”

“Do you have any soda?” Tanaka asks.

“Nope sorry, just water, orange juice and milk” Shoyo says.

“I’ll have some water, thanks,” Suga says.

Everyone else just says that they are fine and they all make their way to the main room. 

“Why are you all here?” Tobio asks randomly because it seems kinda crazy they would all be able to come at the same time.

“He really doesn’t know, wow” Tsukishima looks almost impressed.

“What?” Tobio is really confused now.

“It’s your birthday you idiot!” Shoyo finally says, “my goodness, you need to get out of this apartment more. I thought you were just not wanting to make a big deal but you really didn’t know.”

Tobio is shocked, “w- you- you all came here for me?”

“Well yeah!”

“Tsukki couldn’t resist Shoyo’s puppy dog eyes over the face call,” Yamaguchi says.

“Yams seriously” Tsukishima purses his lips, “anyway, there is a reason he begged us all to come here.”

“And we’re also here to see you Shoyo, I’ve been wanting to visit for a while but I’ve been out of the country for a long time” Asahi says.

“But we wanted to remind you Kageyama that we’re your friends too” Suga says, “even if we haven’t talked in a while you can always call me up.”

“Or me,” Noya says.

“I’m always down to talk,” Tanaka puts in.

“We’ve all got our separate lives far apart but we’re still friends” Asahi says.

Shoyo’s bottom lip quivers as he smiles through tears, “I’m just so glad to see you all!” he yells finally and rushes into the closest person's arms which is Daichi.

“We’re all glad to see you too,” Diachi says.

They brought gifts but left them in their cars to see if Tobio had really forgotten his birthday, after establishing that he had, they all go downstairs. Tsukishima is the first one to come back with a jug of milk with a bow on it. Yamaguchi hands him the card which Tobio opens to reveal a gift card with a few different restaurants listed on it. 

After opening all the presents Shoyo insists on getting a group picture with everyone and Tobio is sitting proudly in the middle with his jug of milk in his lap. They all thought it was funny but he was just actually happy. It was whole milk which is superior to the 2% that Shoyo always gets because he says they “drink too much of it” and that “it’s not healthy to drink that much whole milk”. Tobio is absolutely not sharing this. 

They order pizza, catch up and just generally have a good time. For a while Shoyo and Tobio forget about what their life has become, for a while they get some peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading, I hope you liked it. :)  
> I had a lot of trouble writing this chapter but I think it still turned out okay.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not naming the chapters anymore.   
> BTW it's only really downhill from here.

On a good day they are able to finally go on a picnic again. Despite the many setbacks, Shoyo still got his teaching certification and started substitute teaching at the local middle school. With how up in the air his health is he doesn’t want to find a full time position yet. He’d never say it out loud but he’s not actually very optimistic about his chances. He’s already come to accept it though.

“How did it go yesterday?” Tobio asks Shoyo as they sit under their tree at the park.

“Subbing is pretty easy” Shoyo answers, “I just have to give the kids the assignments and sit around most of the day, it’s still pretty cool though.”

“That’s good” Tobio smiles, he’s glad that Shoyo is happy.

“How is being back at work going?”

“It sucks,” Tobio answers.

“You should find another job then, I keep telling you, you should play again, a few months of practice to get back into it and you could be on a professional team I swear” Shoyo says enthusiastically. Trying to go pro had been Tobio’s original plan and Shoyo can’t help feeling guilty for ruining that for him.

“Yeah, it’s not that easy” Tobio says, “besides, that would just take more time from us getting to hang out.”

“I could come to practice and watch, I know you loved it as much as I did” Shoyo insists.

Tobio hesitates, he’s not sure he wants to play again, yeah it would be fun but it’s a constant reminder of the fact that he’s losing Shoyo. It doesn’t feel fair that he can just go back to playing, when Shoyo will probably never be healthy enough to play again.

“Tomorrow, could we go get my hair cut?” Shoyo asks randomly.

“Yeah sure” Tobio responds.

His hair falling out just gets to be too much finally and Shoyo shaves it all off. Tobio takes it worse, just like they knew he would. It’s just another physical reminder every time he sees his boyfriend that he’s dying. Even if the treatment is working now the other one stopping was like a harsh reality check and in the back of their minds they are afraid of it happening again. 

Time wears on but the treatment keeps working. If not necessarily curing him but holding back the cancer from getting worse at least. The doctors are trying their best to keep Shoyo on his feet, to keep him alive and as healthy as you can be when your body is actively wanting to destroy itself. Tobio just keeps taking them out on picnics, it’s their signal that everything is okay. As long as they can go on their weekly picnics then they don’t have to worry too much. Well, that’s the lie they tell themselves.

Sometimes they go out at night, so they can see the stars and be safe from the sun's harmful rays. Picnics at night become a more common thing then Tobio imagined when he had first drug Shoyo out on that random night. Sometimes they’d go out at night because it was cooler, sometimes because Shoyo needed some rest after a busy day before he went out again. Sometimes it was just because they wanted to but a lot of times they just ended up going out later out of necessity.

Shoyo continues to substitute teach, as well as tutor and is able to co-coach at the middle school. He doesn’t understand people who force their kids to live out their dreams for them; he still wishes he could be playing himself. 

Tobio ends up getting himself a job at the local recreational center and quits his old job, the pay cut was surprisingly small and Tobio is much happier not trying to sell people things that they don’t want.

On the days that they both have off Shoyo makes dinner at home and he starts making Tobio help. He teaches him some of the things he learned before and though he’s not quite as good, Tobio really is starting to pick it up. Out of everything in their lives, Shoyo is really happy that Tobio is picking up cooking okay. He’s wondering if he should write a cookbook for him.

On Shoyo’s 26th birthday he insists that Tobio teach him how to knit, he’s watched the boy doing it all these years and though he used to hate sitting around and doing idle tasks, he sits around so often now and wants something new to do. He also just kind of loves learning new things. He’s pretty shaky at it at first but gets the hang of it. 

Shoyo is like an old lady walking around with a knitting bag which he takes with him when he goes to hang out with Kenma, to hospital waiting rooms and to school when he’s subbing. He’s making a lot of things but won’t show Tobio any of them.

“Please play again,” Shoyo says weakly as they lay in bed one night.

“What?” Tobio is confused, why is he bringing this up again?

“I want to watch you play, I know it’s stupid but I just really want to see it, even if I can’t play I’d just like to imagine it you know” he sounds tired and they both were out all day so he’s kind of just rambling.

“It’s late, how about we talk about it tomorrow?” Tobio suggests because he knows that in his own tired state he might agree to something he doesn’t want to.

“Okay” Shoyo says. He’s out like a light in minutes.

Tobio is left laying there, remembering when he’d be kept up half the night by Shoyo rambling because even when he was tired he’d be too energetic to fall asleep. Another reminder.

The next day Tobio agrees to join a local team so that Shoyo can watch him play again. You try saying no to that boy when he’s wearing a long curly pink wig and making puppy dog eyes at you. 

Tsukishima had sent an orange wig for Shoyo’s 26th birthday and that had been the eye opening moment for Shoyo. The boy now has a sizable collection of wigs, most of which are cheap Halloween costume ones that he likes to wear at his leisure. Even in the grimmest of times Shoyo is still cheerful as ever, now when he’s without a wig it’s just all the more obvious that he’s not doing well. Or it’s a hospital day, he doesn’t wear them to the hospital usually.

Shoyo’s favorite wig is a short black one that wasn’t as cheap as the others. He styled it like the tiny giants hear and wears it quite a lot which was strange at first for Tobio. It’s sort of his default because it is the nicest and most natural one but he also wears it when he’s upset he can’t play volleyball.

Tobio isn’t really surprised when he gets home to Shoyo watching one of their old games and clutching the wig to his chest instead of wearing it. 

“I’m on a team,” Tobio says. He comes around the couch and sits next to Shoyo pulling him into his side. 

Shoyo doesn’t respond just leaning over and starting to cry.

“I’m sorry” Tobio doesn’t know what else to say. He knows how much his boyfriend misses playing. He knows he would miss it too, it was their life. 

Tobio makes dinner that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.   
> Prepare yourself for sad times.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you ready for sad times? Sad times are coming.   
> I'm not sorry, sad times were the goal.

“Where are we going?” Shoyo asks impatiently. He hasn’t been feeling very good and didn’t really want to go out today but Tobio convinced him. Here he is now, very confused as they drive through an unfamiliar part of town. “Wait isn’t this near the recreation center?” Shoyo recognizes the area a tiny bit from when he rode with Tobio to his interview.

“It is” Tobio is smirking.

“Wait! Do you have practice today?” Shoyo’s eyes light up for the first time in a long time.

“That I do” Tobio is glad Shoyo is excited.

When they get there Shoyo has a bit more energy than usual, or he’s trying to. He drags an oxygen tank around with him now and is a lot weaker than he used to be but tries to stay enthusiastic. He’s wearing a short dark blue wig, it’s not a super expensive one but it’s not the cheapest either so it looks kinda nice. Tobio is a little embarrassed as he introduces Shoyo to his team.

“It’s nice to meet you Shoyo, I’m the team captain Sugino” the guy that introduces himself isn’t the tallest on the team but they actually have some pretty tall members.

“I’m Terasaka, you’re a shorty, hard to believe you used to be a star player” one of the taller members says.

“I’ll have you know I was the ACE when I played” Shoyo says, really only a hint of anger in his voice, trying to be intimidating.

“Oh no, I believe it, you’re just shorter than I imagined” Terasaka laughs at Shoyo.

“It’s too bad we can’t see you in action” another team member says.

The whole team introduces themselves to Shoyo and he feels like a celebrity. Tobio must have really been talking him up.

“Oh no, I saw you on tv when you went to Karasuno” one of the members says.

“Really?” Shoyo’s eyes are nearly sparkling now. It had never occurred to him before that there might be people out there that saw him play and actually thought he was cool.

“I actually looked up to watch some of your old games” Sugino says, “you two were amazing, I’m hoping you being here will actually make this one step up his game and show us what he’s got.”

“I’m still getting back into it,” Tobio complains.

“I know I’m just teasing” Sugino seems like a pretty good captain.

They are just a community team but they aren’t bad. They are all just playing for fun but they all have a pretty deep love for volleyball as well. Watching him play again Tobio seems to be having fun with them as well. He’s not pushing as hard as he used to and definitely is a bit off rhythm but no one minds. It’s not nearly as competitive as their old high school team was but that’s probably better for Tobio anyway. Shoyo is just glad to see him having a good time.

As much as he’d like to be out there playing, he still loves watching the practices. They even get other teams to come and play against them a few times and Shoyo is always one of the few spectators for the matches.

Shoyo can feel his time running out. The days keep getting harder, the nights seeming longer, but he’s still holding on. Somehow against all odds he’s made it 4 years since the second diagnosis.

“Can I play?” Shoyo asks on a whim at one of the practices, “I mean, I can’t do much but I could do some receives I just really want to.”

Who could deny him that? Sugino says of course and Shoyo is on the court. They are warming up and he takes it pretty easy but it’s hard without the oxygen he’s become accustomed to having the support of, he just pushes through. Then they actually start a little game. They know that’s what Shoyo wants to do.

Being back on the court with Tobio Shoyo feels like he could cry. He can’t move as fast as he used to but there is still the same rush of just standing out there, facing opponents. He almost doesn’t feel the aching in his body, the burning in his lungs, just a rush of adrenaline blocking it all out.

Against his better judgment Shoyo calls for a set. He knows he can’t jump as high but he puts in his all to get himself in the air and if he had any ordinary boyfriend there is no way he would’ve hit the ball.

The set was low and Shoyo barely reached it with all of his fingers but the blockers were so stunned to see him in the air that it went right by them. When he lands down he collapses, almost starts sobbing but instead he starts laughing- well he’s crying too.

“I hit it” there are tears running down Shoyo’s face and Tobio rushes over to him. He’s practically hysterical. “I hit it, one last time, I spiked it!” Laughter turns into sobbing and he’s gasping for breath because he really can’t do much more than walk up two stairs without getting winded.

One of the players brings his oxygen tank over and Tobio is kneeling down with him trying to calm him down some.

“I’m sorry, uhg” Shoyo kind of sighs as he starts calming down, “I just, I really needed that” he’s staring down at his hand that hit the ball. He didn’t hit it hard so it's not red at all, he really just tapped the ball over the net, he’s lucky he didn’t hurt himself either because he basically fell out of the air. “I know that’s the last time I’ll ever get to spike a ball, I know I’m never gonna get another chance to play, I’m sorry I ruined your practice but thank you” he says to all the players who have gathered around.

None of them know the situation that well but they all know he’s probably right. 

“No thank you” one of them says, “we’re lucky to have gotten to play with you.”

“Yeah and we’re lucky you aren’t at full power or you would’ve totally crushed us” one of the guys that had been on the opposite side of the net says.

“It was fun, we’re glad you got to play with us today” Sugino says giving him a thumbs up.

They would have to continue that practice without Tobio because he had to take Shoyo home that day. 

A week later Shoyo starts to feel worse, so much worse that he just refuses to get out of bed. The news at the hospital is hardly a surprise.

They are losing ground on the cancer again, it’s just too stubborn and persistent. With how much it’s progressed it’s unlikely further treatment will help but they try anyway.

Shoyo can’t go to watch practices anymore so Tobio films them for him. His team members will always leave messages on the videos for Shoyo as well. Even as the new treatment is working things aren’t looking good and Kenma starts coming by almost every other day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! :)  
> Chapter 7 might be out early because I am eager to finish this and move onto my next project.  
> No one cares but I'll also be posting the next chapter of Our Way tonight.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but I've been busy working on two other stories so I couldn't edit this one as much as I wanted too.

Slowly the life that Shoyo had built for himself oh so carefully, had begun to crumble until it all fell out from under him. He can’t teach, he can’t play volleyball, he can hardly make it to the kitchen to get a glass of water and Tobio has the audacity to come home one day and get down on one knee.

“Tobio I’m dying” Shoyo says almost sounding annoyed but his voice cracks.

“I know, Hinata Shoyo, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you but even if that- might not be possible” Tobio is doing his best to keep himself together, “I wish that you would spend the rest of your life with me.” He bites his lip. He doesn’t have a ring but a bracelet and in reality he’s been holding onto it for quite a while. 

He’s known that Shoyo has given up. He knew from the moment of the second diagnosis that Shoyo probably wouldn’t accept a marriage proposal because he doesn’t want to tie Tobio down but he can’t wait now. He knows he’s running out of time and god he wants Shoyo to say yes. “I want to stay by your side until the end, whether it’s tomorrow, in a month or in 5 years, please Shoyo, will you accept this as a promise to our bond.” It’s taking all of his will power to keep from crying like Shoyo is.

Shoyo wipes the tears from his eyes as he holds back from actually breaking down sobbing, “you dumb ass” he grumbles and puts his arm out in acceptance. He grabs up the matching bracelet and puts it on Tobio’s wrist all while tears are still leaking from his eyes. “So what does this make us?”

“I don’t know, I mean, I figured you wouldn’t want to deal with the legal hassle of getting married but I’d love to call you my husband” Tobio says choking up. 

“Okay” Shoyo just leans his head into Tobio’s chest. He wants to stay there forever, just be husbands and not have to worry about legal shit, or the crippling debt he’s leaving his parents with, or dying. He definitely doesn’t want to think about dying.

~~~

“So me and Tobio got married, sorry you weren’t invited to the wedding” Shoyo says showing the bracelet to Kenma and Kuroo who are currently sitting on their couch.

“What! Oh my gosh it’s so cool” Kenma leans in inspecting the bracelet closer. 

“The orange and black for your old team colors, cute” Kuroo says smiling a bit. He’s glad to see the two actually cheerful, usually when they visit Shoyo is tired and Kenma cries on the way home. Even if the doctors won’t say it and no one wants to think about it, they can all see the decline. Anyone could see that Shoyo is unlikely to make it to his next birthday. With how broken up his little kitten is about it Kuroo can’t imagine how Kageyama is doing… well getting married might be an indication that the setter is losing his god-damned mind.

“When are you going to propose!” Kenma demands turning to Kuroo, “it better be with something pretty like that, there is so much thought put into it! You’re so lucky Shoyo.” 

No one can stand being in a quiet room with Shoyo, so Kenma learned to fill the silence. Kuroo is just taking a moment to think about how the usually quiet boy makes up for Shoyo’s absent energy now. He can’t even be happy that his boyfriend is coming out of his shell because what is the price they are paying for that? 

“Well, we really just kind of are wearing these around now, we didn’t actually ‘get married’” Shoyo makes air quotes, “it would really be too complicated to deal with all the legal stuff right now.”

Kuroo and Kenma nod in understanding. Nothing more needs to be said about that. Kenma leads the conversation on in another direction trying to keep the mood up.

Bokuto comes to visit while Shoyo is still at home. They talk, it’s exciting but that night Shoyo’s health takes a turn for the worst and he’s taken to the hospital by ambulance.

Kenma is the first one to visit him in the hospital the very next morning. 

Tobio had hardly slept and falls asleep while Shoyo and Kenma are talking.

“Hey” Shoyo’s voice is a whisper, “could you do something for me?”

“Of course Shoyo” Kenma responds softly.

“Take care of him for me, when I’m gone, make sure he gets back on his feet and- take care of yourself too okay.” Shoyo looks so tired, gazing sadly at his sleeping husband.

“Shoyo, you’re-”

“You’re going to be okay Kenma, you’ve been a great friend” Shoyo bites his lip trying to breathe steadily, everything in his body and mind is making that hard right now though.

“You’ve been a great friend too Shoyo” a stream of tears run silently down Kenma’s face, “I’m glad I met you.”

“If it’s too hard you don’t have to come back-”

“Shut your god-damned mouth Shoyo, there is no way I’m leaving like this, this is not goodbye!” Kenma insists with an energy that Shoyo is still not used to seeing in the boy.

“We both know I’m not gonna last long now” Shoyo says it so casually but his voice is raspy just emphasizing his point.

“But I’m going to be here for every moment” Kenma squeezes Shoyo’s hand, “please don’t rush okay.”

Shoyo can’t say anything else. He can’t think of anything to say and he’s just too tired but he smiles at Kenma. It hurts them both for him to be here but Shoyo is glad too. He’s happy every moment that Kenma is there with him, every second that he gets to spend with Tobio and all the time his parents are there too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! :)  
> This story is getting close to the ending so yeah. Next chapter prepare the tissues.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it, not the last chapter but...

Their old team mates cycle through, visiting on various days over the next week that Shoyo is in the hospital. By the time some of their old opponents hear of his condition, he’s doing even worse. The treatments just aren’t helping and the cancer is progressing rapidly.

Shoyo can’t help but think back to when he got the first diagnosis, he had been so scared back then but now he sits here with doctors telling him he’s dying and he can hardly find it in himself to be concerned. He’s still breathing, though it may be difficult and Tobio is here with him most of the time. His, he wants to call him, husband is here and whatever happens... whatever comes after this, he’ll be fine.

Kuroo is usually at the hospital when Kenma comes to visit but he usually waits outside. He doesn’t want to intrude on their time together but one day Shoyo sees him out in the hallway and asks him to come into the room.

“Tobio won’t be here until later, he has to work until 7 today, he’s only working 3 days a week but he’s basically working 2 shifts each day to keep making enough for rent” Shoyo explains to his friends, “could you guys maybe do me a favor?”

“Sure thing, what is it?” Kuroo asks.

“Look, I’m not doing good, I don’t think I’m going to be leaving here again, could you go to the apartment and get something for me?”

Kenma bites his lip, he doesn’t like when Shoyo talks so casually about it like that.

“Tobio and I used to go on picnics every week, after the first diagnosis, it’s been really on and off and of course lately it’s not like I can go out but we always come back to it and I really want to do it again, it’s not really a picnic blanket but I have a picture of the blanket we always used, it’s in a bag in our closet” Shoyo explains, “it won’t exactly be a picnic but maybe kind of, I don’t know maybe it’s stupid but I just want to do something special with Tobio again.”

Kuroo’s not sure if Shoyo’s calm and unemotional attitude makes him feel more or less upset being around him but he can see that it makes Kenma upset. The boy has basically turned off his emotions, even if he is saying things that express emotion he just sounds like a robot. It’s actually kind of chilling, it’s been getting worse ever since the day that he had played volleyball the last time. He just started shutting down and even if he’s still alive physically, emotionally it feels like he’s already dead.

“Yeah, sure, I can go find it if you want to send me the picture” Kuroo offers. On one hand he’s not sure about leaving Kenma alone here, on the other he wants to give his fiance as much time as he can with his friend.

“Okay, thank you” Shoyo says smiling at Kuroo “now that he’s gone... what’s that?” Shoyo points to Kenma’s hand.

“Oh!” Kenma exclaims, “Kuroo proposed just yesterday.” He smiles, he’d kind of seen it coming, of course they were going to get married it was just a matter of when. He knows Kuroo decided to propose now because of Shoyo, he’s Kenma’s best friend and Kuroo knows how much he would want him to be a part of this. “It’s not going to be a big event and it will be in a week, maybe if you are feeling okay you can come?” Hopeful but realistically they know it might not be possible.

“Maybe” Shoyo says. Kenma doesn’t like when his smiles are fake so he doesn’t even try just closing his eyes and leaning back now. Breathing gets harder by the day, leaving the hospital wouldn’t be a good idea, his time is running out.

“Shoyo” Kenma’s voice is weak, “I’m sorry” he mutters trying to keep from crying.

“You haven’t done anything wrong,” Shoyo says frowning, eyebrows furrowed.

“I-”

“Hey, I could video call into the wedding, Tobio can go and carry me around, I can be there even if I’m not” Shoyo says patting Kenma’s head.

“You just- never mind” Kenma already knows the response he’ll get if he says it, he doesn’t want to hear it. 

Shoyo knows just as well what he was going to say but at the end of the day he can’t fix it. If there was a timer over his head it might read 1 month, it might read 2 days, Shoyo is just tired he knows everyone can see it. Forget living out his last days how he wants to, he’s just kind of ready for his last days to be over. 

“I know we can’t have a picnic but we can pretend” it’s said without a smile, without even making a move to sit up. He just lays there, motionless when Tobio gets back from work.

It’s not the greatest thing to come back to. After a long day of work Tobio feels like crying every time he sees Shoyo. The light is gone from his eyes and Tobio feels lucky to be acknowledged, what even is this? “What?”

“I know I kinda suck as company right now, I’m tired, this is stupid, indulge me though, Kuroo brought the books I asked for too, will you read please” Shoyo’s voice is weak, he speaks only as loud as he needs too. The doctors are doing their best to keep him comfortable but there is only so much they can do, the cancer is taking over his lungs, creeping over his skin and destroying his digestive system. Sometimes the pain is almost too much to bear, other times he just feels completely numb.

Who could deny him anything, surely not Tobio and the black haired boy sits up on the bed picking up one of the books. It may be the hardest thing he’s done so far, read that book while sitting on their old picnic blanket like they did all those years ago. When they thought the cancer would be cured and that they could live out their lives together. Now it feels like Shoyo’s already gone, maybe like he’s been gone for a long time. 

If his voice is shaky and he has to wipe away tears to see the words every few minutes, Shoyo couldn’t complain. This is their life now, they both live in pain.

The wedding is canceled 2 days later, they’ll forgo the party, a celebration won’t feel right for a very long time. Instead in a week’s time Kenma and Kuroo sign their marriage papers and go back to Shoyo and Tobio’s apartment. It would be weird, awkward, to have a third person in their bed on their first night married if they didn’t all feel so cold anyway.

Kuroo and Kenma had never been especially close with Tobio but they’d seen each other a lot being around Shoyo all the time. Kuroo lays between the two as they cry again, because Shoyo should still be here. He should’ve seen his best friend get married, he should have gotten married himself, he shouldn’t be gone yet.

Tobio has woken with a start almost every morning for the past 2 weeks. He and Kenma are still getting over the cold that they came down with the day after Shoyo died but it’s still hard to rest. He’d woken with a start to the beeping on the heart monitor and he hears it ringing in his ears now, he can’t sleep soundly now that Shoyo is gone. 

It had been sudden even in his condition, unexpected, he had seemed fine that evening. Shoyo’s lungs collapsed in the night and in his condition there was nothing they could do. Tobio couldn’t scream, he couldn’t plead. That night Shoyo hadn’t said good night to him, he’d said good bye and with a heavy heart he’d said it back as he had for the past three nights, the last thing he’d said to Shoyo was I love you. That’s all he has to hold onto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> I hope you enjoyed it. The last chapter will be posted tomorrow.   
> ~ A.M.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What comes after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is it. Now I have to figure out how to mark this story as completed...  
> This is two parts but the last part was too short to make it's own chapter.

For some people time might seem slow after a loved one dies, like the days are dragging on promising to never heal them but for Tobio time seems to speed up. He feels like a rug has been pulled out from under him and he can’t get back to his feet. He’s being called back to work, his teammates calling him back to practice. People are constantly pushing him to keep moving but he can’t keep up. 

The only time he gets any peace is in the evenings. He thought he’d have a hard time being at the apartment, it being empty and lonely but he’s never really alone even there. 

Kuroo gets back from practice late at night but Kenma works almost exclusively from the apartment having just moved himself in and zoom calls into meetings most of the time. They are pretty far from where he works, so it wouldn't make sense to drive every day anyway.

Tobio finds himself cooking for his house guests almost every night, he’s had a lot of time to get close with Kenma over the past 2 months. 

He’d had some time to get to know Kuroo as well since Kenma had refused to go to the funeral but they didn’t want to send Tobio on his own. Of course he wasn’t alone anyway, most of their old team had made it as well as some old opponents and many of Shoyo’s family members. But Kuroo was with him the whole time as he had to face everyone but the whole thing was still pretty overwhelming. 

Seeing all the people whose lives Shoyo had affected, all the people they had met but Shoyo had become genuine friends with. It made Tobio feel so lucky to have gotten to spend so much time with him and yet so devastated to not have more. Seeing everyone grieving together made it all that much more real. Shoyo was gone.

Before they went home that night Shoyo’s parents had brought a box into the apartment, his mom had handed it over while crying again. Tobio had been confused until he saw his name and Kenma’s on the box, it had- years written on it as well, this year and three years out. 

It wasn’t taped shut, just folded but it looked as if it had been taped at some point.

“He left a lot for you” Shoyo’s dad says, “we’ll leave you with this one for now but there are 3 other boxes like it.”

“I think he- put- your stuff together- so you’d have to stay in touch,” his mom says through sobs.

Of course he would, he may not have been very good in school but Shoyo always had a way of surprising people. Being short was never going to stop him from playing volleyball, being bad at school wasn’t going to stop him from being a teacher. If he wanted something, he went out and got it. If he wants Kenma and Tobio to be friends, even when he’s gone, he’s going to make it happen.

Everything was surprisingly organized. Letters and presents all labeled with a holiday and a year, as well as various random dates for each of them. There was also one at the top with just their names, a letter for Kuroo as well. When Tobio pulls it out he can feel what it is, it’s good bye. 

Kuroo waits to open his with Kenma, they both leave theirs in the box and the box stays in the closet. None of them really want to see it. It’s sweet yes, that Shoyo thought to leave something behind like this but right now it’s just a reminder of all of the times that they don’t get to spend with him. Tobio keeps his letter on his nightstand though. He’s not ready to open it. He’s also not ready for Kenma and Kuroo to go home. He wonders how he’ll ever get there.

They’ve been sleeping in the guest bedroom now for a month and Kuroo has been gently suggesting they leave. He’s been dragging Kenma out to go to dinner or just shopping but the boy isn’t just staying there to keep Tobio company. He’s there for the same reason that Tobio so desperately wants to leave. It’s where Shoyo lived. Where he cooked and watched tv and slept and studied. From the burnt spot on the floor ensuring they won’t get their deposit back to the pictures Shoyo has hanging up everywhere. It’s a delusion but Kenma can pretend he’s coming back just being here.

Tobio on the other hand is reminded every morning and night by the empty bed, by the empty kitchen, by the quiet that fills the whole space that Shoyo is never coming home. A part of him wants to run away from it, from the constant reminders but part of him can’t let it go. He’s not sure how to move on yet.

It takes 3 months for Tobio to change anything in the apartment. It starts with packing up Shoyo’s clothes. Slowly he cleans the apartment of things that don’t belong there anymore. 

Shoyo’s toothbrush, the wigs he’d collected, teaching materials. He throws out what should be but gives most of it to Shoyo’s parents. They’ve been checking up on him often, more than his own parents have. He leaves up most of the pictures, he doesn’t intend on moving any time soon.

When he feels ready to open the letter he calls Kenma and Kuroo, they encourage him to go for it. Kenma still isn’t ready though and likely won’t be for a while.

On his next day off he sits on the couch and holds the letter unsure what he’ll do once he’s read it. Neither opened their holiday presents that have passed yet because they just can’t yet, it feels too final. Maybe it’s not healthy to be in denial this long but sitting here Tobio knows that they are both afraid of the same thing. They don’t know which Shoyo left this for them, they don’t know what he might have to say. 

He couldn’t go on another day without knowing though, Shoyo wanted him to have this, to read it, to hear what he has to tell him so he will.

_ Hi, Tobio _

_ I’m not sure when you’ll be reading this, maybe soon, maybe later. I’m not sure if you’ve opened the presents I left you or not, it’s okay if you don’t want to.  _

_ Sure, I might have a chance right now but I just have a feeling. Things are going to come to an end faster than we expected and so I feel rushed to tell you this. I love you. _

_ It’s funny, I majored in English but I can hardly write this now. Everything is so jumbled up in my head, I’m afraid. I wish I could write to you forever, to tell you everything I’m thinking right now but I guess I have to choose. _

_ I want you to be happy. I hope you keep playing volleyball. I hope you find someone to keep you company. I hope you move on. I hope you can remember all the good times we had together and all of this too. I hope that you make the most of all the time you have left.  _

_ The time we have left, the time that you’ve already experienced, it was good enough okay. Every last moment that we got to spend together meant the world to me okay, even if it’s hard for me to show it now just know that you made me so happy. _

_ I’ve already written a lot but I’ll be writing more as well. For as long as I can I’ll be making you things. I’m not sure of everything that I’ll leave you but I want to leave plenty. Please keep smiling, for me. Stay in touch with our friends, try new things, go out on a picnic. _

_ I love you, forever yours, Shoyo Hinata. _

Tobio reads the whole thing through tears. He can’t hold them back. Even as their worlds were crumbling down. As Shoyo’s own world was coming to an end he was thinking of them, of what he could leave behind for them. On this paper just desperately trying to lift Tobio up on his tiny shoulders.

Moving on was taking time but here he was. He read the letter. Tobio could never see himself letting go of what he and Shoyo had but he had to let go of what they could’ve had. He has to let go of their future, everything he wishes they could still do. 

~~~

14 years later...

“Come on dad, let's go!”

Tobio smiled looking up the hill at the complete little ball of energy he’d found. Okano was five when Tobio took her in. She was quiet, shy, and had been taken away from her mother who had been making her fend for herself. Now she's almost 15 and is nearly the complete opposite of the way she'd been when he first brought her home, though she's still just as sweet.

Once Tobio had worked himself into a stable position at his job, he realized he couldn’t see himself really dating again. He hadn’t ever dated much in the first place before Shoyo but someone like Shoyo just isn’t really replaceable. He had money, a good home and decided it was time to bring someone else into his life.

It had actually been Koutarou that had suggested adoption. Tobio has been keeping in touch with all of their old friends and apparently he and Keiji were looking to adopt as well. The idea had been perfect.

Okano was great in school, she was also in theater and plays volleyball because her dad likes it so much. She always has a huge cheer squad at games with her extended family of volleyball friends being endless. 

On Saturdays they hike up the hill at the park and have a picnic. Sometimes Okano will invite her friends as well. 

Time finally slowed down for Tobio. He can just enjoy all the time he gets with his daughter, with his friends, playing volleyball, or just cooking dinner. Every once in a while he wishes Shoyo could be here, could see everything that he’s done. Even then though he’s happy, he knows he’s made Shoyo proud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted this to end on a happy note so I hope I succeeded with that. Okano is named after Hinata Okano from Assassination Classroom. I'm not good at coming up with names okay.  
> Also I'm trying to imply with the timing that she was born about when Shoyo died. When his life ended, hers began and then she made her way into Tobio's life. If legit one person says that they would like more Tobio and Okano I will write it. Writing up to a character death was agonizing but the grieving process after I could definitely do. 
> 
> I'm begging for comments now. They give me life. Comment a quote! If you cried or not! Your favorite chapter! I want to actually start responding to comments now because I seriously appreciate them so much. It's just crazy to me that some random person read this thing that I wrote and took time to tell me what they thought of it. I don't get a ton of comments because I turn off guest comments for some stories but every time someone does comment it makes my whole day.
> 
> That's all for now though. Thank you so much for reading! :)  
> ~ Allen M.


End file.
